Even today, when it seems like sexual information can be found in every newspaper and in every corner of the Internet, people still experience embarrassment and shame about their sexuality. This is illustrated by the fact that a couple can be in a relationship, and communicate so little about sex that the woman doesn’t know it’s perfectly normal for any man in a sexual relationship to masturbate.
The other side of the equation is equally puzzling? Why would a man keep his masturbation a secret? It’s possible, of course, that a man might be masturbating to porn, and he’s ashamed about it, but it’s also likely that both men and women still carry embarrassment and guilt around sexual activity.
One of the ways this seems to manifest in society is the fact that women still experience many fewer orgasms than men. Does that statement just represent the fact that men’s sex drive is higher than women’s? Or does it represent the fact that sex is oriented towards male sexual satisfaction? Or does it represent the fact that men masturbate more than women outside a sexual relationship?
These are all important questions. But the most important is: how can we ensure that women enjoy more orgasms? And the answer is for couples to learn how to use the coital alignment technique.
The coital alignment technique requires a fundamentally different kind of movement from both the man and the woman. Instead of having the man thrusting in and out of his partner like a piston in a cylinder, the man and woman rock their pelvises together so that the woman’s clitoris receives constant low-level stimulation. This stimulation builds up sexual energy, and will eventually lead to an orgasm. One of the questions men often ask about this is whether it’s as good for them (i.e. men) as normal intercourse.
Because it’s certainly true that hard and fast thrusting and a powerful ejaculation can be extremely rewarding for a man. But unless you’ve tried the coital alignment technique, you won’t know about the satisfaction both you and your partner can get from gradually increasing levels of sexual tension which culminate in a massive orgasm. Often a simultaneous orgasm. That’s the pleasure you get with the coital alignment technique.
There’s something quite magical about how sexual tension builds up with the coital alignment technique. Some kind of energetic circuit forms between the man and woman, so that the CAT usually results in a simultaneous orgasm that’s truly wonderful. (How little this is known. Even this article by an expert about simultaneous orgasm doesn’t mention the CAT!)
But is the reward of that experience sufficiently great to overcome the pure physical pleasure of hard and fast thrusting for the average man?
You’ll have to try the CAT for yourself to find out, but in the majority of cases, men seem to really enjoy the type of orgasms they get from this different way of lovemaking. Perhaps one of the reasons for that is that they can see how much pleasure their female partner gets from reaching orgasm during lovemaking, while the man’s penis is inside her vagina.
There’s certainly a special quality about these orgasms. And it’s also true that if more couples adopted the coital alignment technique, then the orgasm gap between men and women would reduce. That’s because both partners would enjoy the extraordinary experience of coming together during lovemaking. And, after all, why not?
It’s been demonstrated many times that more orgasms for women means an improved quality of relationship for all couples. That’s because shared orgasms produce a much more intimate and connected sense of relationship between a couple.
But why hasn’t the coital alignment technique become more popular if it’s capable of producing such rewarding sexual experiences? Regrettably, the answer may be that intercourse, in both men and women’s minds alike, is seen as something that is fundamentally about male pleasure. here’s a cultural pressure for intercourse to please men – it’s almost as though men’s sexual desire is insatiable and has to be accommodated by women (at the expense of their own pleasure!)
It’d be a much more interesting and potentially rewarding relationship for all of us if we accepted that sexual pleasure was just as important for women as men!
There are plenty of reasons why women should have as many orgasms as men! According to Planned Parenthood, as many as one woman in three can have difficulty reaching orgasm. And that’s before you even look at how many have trouble coming from vaginal intercourse alone. So how many men still believe that if they just f*ck a woman hard enough, she’s going to come?
Really quite a lot – but it’s completely untrue. More than 60% of women can’t reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. There could be all kinds of reasons why this is so, including the fact that foreplay hasn’t gone on long enough to arouse a woman sufficiently for her to reach orgasm. But whatever the exact cause of this, it’s clear we are not making love in the right way.
The right way is one where women and men are equally entitled to enjoy the pleasure of orgasm during intercourse! One response to this is for women to be diagnosed with female sexual dysfunction – which is ridiculous. Almost all women can reach orgasm if foreplay or loveplay (if you prefer) continues for 20 or 30 minutes. And when it was discovered that the more sexual activities women enjoyed during one session of lovemaking, the more likely they were to come, it was hailed as a great discovery.
But the reality is very simple! The more sexual experiences you have in a session of lovemaking, the longer lovemaking goes on. We know very clearly that for women, time (long time) is of the essence when it comes to reaching orgasm! So the coital alignment technique, which progresses much more slowly towards orgasm, gives women the time they need for the sexual energy of orgasm to build up.
Incidentally, the coital alignment technique can also be extremely helpful for men who have a tendency to premature ejaculation. That’s because the thing that makes most men come quickly during sex is hard and fast thrusting, which is avoided in the CAT.
Masters and Johnson believed that cultural bias against women held back research in female sex response. (And of course, female sexuality as a force for good, freely expressed.) Men had the permission – indeed, the expectation and encouragement of society – to develop their sexuality in a natural context. Women, then, were not so permitted. And in many cultures, even now this remains the status quo.
Growing girls were taught to repress or romanticize their sexual expressions, and the hope was expressed that they would be “good” girls. That meant, not have any active sexual feelings or sex activity until they married. The question Masters and Johnson asked was: How can a woman suddenly permit herself to be sexually responsive when she marries with a background like this?
What happens to a woman in the process of sexual response?
Her muscles become tense. There is a pooling of blood in certain tissues, producing a discernible pink blush in the skin and an increase in breast size. Her vagina lubricates and expands or “tents,” ready to accommodate the penis. The clitoris erects and flattens out, ready to respond to contact with the male penis.
The uterus itself actually gets bigger and when orgasm occurs the outer third of the vagina and the uterus both begin to throb and undergo contractions that are accompanied by a high level of sensual pleasure.
Immediately afterward there is a rapid letdown of both muscle tension and blood congestion. The woman who has been stimulated to the point of orgasm and not achieved it takes a lot longer to relax and get muscles and blood cells back to normal.
We are too concerned with orgasmic dysfunction. But orgasmic dysfunction is not confined to older women. An 18-year-old coed may bed down with numerous boyfriends but she may never have an orgasm unless she demands it. Even now, about ten percent of women remain anorgasmic, and few experience orgasm during intercourse.
Two features separate male from female sexual dysfunction
1 A man can usually satisfy himself sexually regardless of whether he has a sexually responsive partner or not. He may have a better experience with a responsive female, but he can orgasm easily anyway. To experience orgasm during intercourse, a woman is dependent on a sexually competent partner.
2 The woman is usually captive to the age-old idea that it’s her duty, primarily, to satisfy her partner. She rarely feels free to say, “Never mind what you want. This is what I want.” Many women have said they get a bigger sexual charge out of cunnilingus than penile penetration – but how many women feel free to take charge of a sexual encounter?
So Masters and Johnson got some fairly angry women coming to see them – and therapists today will still relate the same story. These women feel they’ve been subjected to discrimination and shortchanged.
Masters and Johnson met a few women who could not masturbate or be successfully manipulated to orgasm by hand or mouth but could reach orgasm during ordinary sexual intercourse. This was an unusual and presumably small group!
Another group included women who have never experienced orgasm from sex with penetration, but who can and do, with or without a partner (male or female), reach orgasm with other kinds of stimulation.
A third group of women have infrequent and unpredictable orgasms, whether by conventional sex or other methods. What bothers them is that they aren’t confident. They can’t tell when they go to bed and begin sex play if they will have an orgasm or not. Either way, they don’t know why. (Here is some data on the frequency of female orgasm.)
Masters and Johnson spoke repeatedly of how easily a sexual relationship is distorted or used as the focus for a nonsexual problem. For example, problems seeming to be about a lack of orgasm may hide low sexual libido. Also, sex can be used to relieve tension, to gain status, to obtain reassurance, to flatter one’s vanity, to express love, and to gain a certain amount of control over the behavior of others. In short, it is not only a loving act but can also be a vehicle for establishing one’s sense of power.
Low sexual drive
Women who had nothing wrong but had a low sexual drive were described by Masters and Johnson. They believed that a sexually healthy woman was one who could masturbate successfully as well as respond to her partner’s caresses. And they emphasized that some women needed to be “given permission”: to be told that sex is alright and that it is fine to want to learn how to enjoy sex.
Implicit in this is the idea that if a woman has been faking orgasm, she has to stop. If she has been cheerfully accommodating, she has to stop that, also. The sex partners have got to be helped to adopt the “give and get” concept and behave toward one another with honesty and equality.
Sensate Focus
Most sexual therapy is based on a technique called sensate focus. When a non-orgasmic woman and her partner practice the art of orgasm, here’s how it goes:
Step 1: The man sits up against the headboard of the bed. Unless the headboard is padded, he will probably wish to pad his back with pillows.
Step 2: The man spreads his legs and his woman, with her back against his chest, sits between his legs. Her back is resting against his chest. His arms are around her waist and clasped over her stomach. Her hands are under his thighs, holding on to the backs of his knees.
Step 3: The man waits for her request to insert his penis. He can stimulate her breasts, kiss her neck. The position means that the man is unlikely to directly touch the woman’s clitoris in a manner that hurts or irritates her.
Some women indicate that they like to have the clitoris directly stimulated. Most don’t. For many it’s painful, or just plain annoying. When both are sitting upright with the woman’s back resting on the man’s chest it’s up to him to do the teasing.
His partner should be producing natural juices and the man’s fingers will gently but suggestively spread the natural lubricant over the entire vulva area.
Step 4: The penis gently, undemandingly, is thrust into the vagina. The man at this stage is supposed to be warm, tender, altogether giving. Masters and Johnson recommended that he should let his partner drift along and learn to feel good about the vaginally contained penis without any obligation to pay back “his” ecstasy.
In this kind of therapy, each experience was a step forward, even the failures. When serious failures occurred, the couple went back to the beginning and started over with the early exercises of sensate focus.
About 80 percent of couples finally made it (i.e. the woman reached orgasm during intercourse). The day after success with the “male undemanding sex position” the woman turned around and assumed the “woman on top sex position”. This is the man lying on his back, the woman squatting over his hips; then they rolled over to the recommended side by side sex position. Then, the man can signal the woman to use the squeeze technique.
If ejaculation occurred too soon (i.e. before the woman reached orgasm), the next sexual contact was redesigned as follows: the woman who was trying to become orgasmic was told, “The penis belongs to you just as much as your vagina belongs to him!” She was instructed to withdraw if she wasn’t ready. Many women needed this kind of reassurance.
Women who were lucky enough to have concerned, loving, and helpful partners were the ones who became orgasmic. A few managed to “break through” without partner help, but not many.
Delays in reaching orgasm during sex are attributable to many causes for men. Mostly, this is not an issue of physical insensitivity of the penis, Usually, it’s about emotions.
Specifically, what is most often seen in men with delayed ejaculation are a high level of (mostly repressed) anger, or fear, about intimacy, relationships, or women. To be blunt, some men are unable to form a close and intimate relationship with a woman because they have emotional issues towards women.
Often these are the consequences of some kind of emotional wound which they experienced during childhood. After all, not all children – in fact, very few – have an ideal upbringing. Some have a very hard upbringing, one which can leave them feeling like they cannot trust other people. Or, perhaps, that it is somehow too dangerous to get emotionally close. Sometimes this hidden fear can prevent a man enjoying the elemental intimacy and sexual closeness of intercourse. And this may manifest as an inability to ejaculate.
Sometimes men disconnect from their own emotional feelings, and engage in sex in a disassociated way. What this means is that those men will feel remote, defensive or boundaried to their sexual partners.
Delayed ejaculation for a woman – video
Much work has been done over the years by various psychologists and therapists on what causes delayed ejaculation. However, we are still far from a complete understanding.
Is there a treatment for delayed ejaculation that works?
The best treatment option seems to be sensate focus. This helps to connect a man with the physical arousal in his body; in turn this will enable him to reach the point of no return more easily.
And that is the nature of delayed ejaculation: a man does not respond to the sexual stimuli that he’s receiving enough to get him aroused.
Approaches to Delayed Ejaculation (DE)
Orgasm and ejaculation in men are two separate processes that often happen at the same time. Confused? Then read this Good In Bed Mini-guide by Dr. Michael A. Perelman, a sex therapist and co-director of the Human Sexuality Program at Cornell Hospital in New York City.
Men with delayed ejaculation may get physiologically aroused when with a partner, but they are mentally disconnected and cannot focus enough to achieve a climax. Some reasons for this include: not wanting to get a woman pregnant, bottled-up anger, and a need to be in control. This helpful new book explains more about this.
Medication that treats erectile dysfunction such as Viagra, Levitra and Cialis often reduce the amount of stimulation required for a man to achieve an erection. However, this makes some men to think they are sufficiently turned-on to enjoy sex to climax when in fact they are not.
The reason for this is that although they have a physical sign of being sexually excited (an erection), they are not emotionally and psychologically aroused. (This lack of arousal is a characteristic of delayed ejaculation even when Viagra or similar medications are not being used.)
We often think of men getting erections merely from the thought of sex, let alone physical touch. Partners generally think, “If he has an erection, he wants to have sex. If he is not hard, then something must be wrong.” The same is true for male orgasm. If a man does not climax, his partner may take it personally. In these instances, it is not uncommon for a woman to question her own attractiveness, or to feel angry and resentful, or experience a range of other emotions. (See this for more details.) And this site explains the interpersonal dynamics of sexual relationships.
Psychosocial and cultural factors often play a significant role in cases of delayed ejaculation. For example, religions that are extremely structured and strict in their views related to sexuality can often prevent men and women from learning about and experiencing sexual pleasure. (This includes those in which masturbation and/or sex outside of marriage is forbidden or discouraged.) Ultimately, this can hinder both men and women’s sexual self-expression when they wish to become sexually active.
Or, their shame and guilt can inhibit them from truly immersing themselves mentally and emotionally in the experience of sex. Some men will even develop “idiosyncratic” masturbation styles that are a cause of delayed ejaculation later in life. These require more friction than usual, so a man conditions himself to reach orgasm through a harsh or unusual style of self-stimulation. (Read more here.)
What does sex mean to you – letting go or greater control?
Control issues frequently play a role in delayed ejaculation (check out the causes here). Generally speaking, there are men who have trouble letting go and experiencing pleasure in various aspects of their life—including their sex life. There are also some men who do not use their mind to enhance arousal, and always rely on routine types of touch to get turned-on.
Men might not even be aware they are mentally disconnected or aware that their enjoyment of sex could be better. The critical missing piece is the ability to be mentally immersed in the experience of sex, and forge a sexually intimate connection with their partner.
Video – delayed ejaculation
But what does delayed ejaculation really mean?
Our sexual health is a barometer of our overall health, and delayed ejaculation can be a sign that something else is not functioning properly.
For example, for men who take anti-depressants that raise serotonin levels may find sex becomes less rewarding. But men do not have to choose between sanity and a sex life! These are the kinds of issues which can be discussed with an experienced, emotionally mature doctor.
Also: when a man masturbates, he may use significantly higher levels of pressure and friction than sexual intercourse provides. So, he may get used to a different kind of physical feeling. To make matters worse, age can exacerbate the situation, as older men often experience an increase in the time it takes to reach orgasm and ejaculate.
Self deception – and partner deception!
Contrary to conventional wisdom, men can fake orgasms, and often do without detection. Faking it is actually pretty easy when using a condom. And even if a man is having sex without a condom, he can likely come up with an excuse like, “Well I came, there just wasn’t a lot.”
Not talking about delayed ejaculation with a partner can negatively affect each partner and the relationship. And men with delayed ejaculation may feel anxious about their sexual performance, develop low sexual self-esteem, and face other emotional consequences. Their sexual partners may question their own attractiveness, feel angry and resentful, and experience a range of other emotions.
The good news is that talking about delayed ejaculation is not really that difficult: it is easy to get a conversation going by saying something like, “Hey, I feel awkward I take so long to reach orgasm!” This is non-blaming and opens the door to mutual understanding and exploration. By talking about delayed ejaculation and being aware of the factors that can cause it, couples can strengthen their relationship and get back to enjoying an intimate sexual connection.
It can take a lot of courage to seek help for delayed ejaculation. But in the end it is always worth it.
Many women go off sex as time goes by. Others seem to be much keener to keep on having it. Why the difference?
Well, we know that women who like sex – and who want lots of it – get three main things from sex with their men: a sense of intimacy, emotional closeness and bonding, and, no surprise, physical sexual pleasure.
That means if you care about pleasing your woman in bed you need to know some amazing sex techniques which will make you her sexual hero!
Try out the simple sexual techniques revealed in our free video and you’ll instantly be able to give your woman an orgasm so intense that she’ll squirt as she comes! You’ll both enjoy massive pleasure, massive orgasms, and massive satisfaction – guaranteed!
Simply click on the link below to watch our FREE video which shows you the very best way to please a woman in bed. (Caution: it’s noisy.)
You might be wondering how we know what women want from sex. The answer comes from a study at the University of Pittsburg in which the researchers interviewed 354 sexually active women aged between 40 and 65 years. These women were enjoying sex on a regular basis. The questions centered on arousal, orgasm, sexual satisfaction, pleasure and pain, and also how important lovemaking was to these women.
They carried on interviewing these women for eight years. At the end of the eight-year period, over 85% of the women who regarded sex as “important” in their lives were still enjoying regular sexual intercourse.
So why did these women see sex as important and continue to enjoy it on a regular basis?
The answer, interestingly, wasn’t about trying new or different sexual techniques (like the coital alignment technique), or even the amount of sexual pleasure received. It was simply that sexual intercourse involved intimacy and bonding, as well as sexual pleasure.
So establishing intimacy and building a sense of emotional closeness seem to be a big part of knowing the right way to please a woman in bed.
And as we said, the other part is all about receiving sexual pleasure. This might mean the more you prioritize sex in your life, the more likely you are to have good sex, and the more likely you are to go on enjoying orgasms into later life!
How to Have An Orgasm
But let’s ask another question – why does this matter? Is it just a matter of sexual pleasure, feeling good, and enjoying the satisfaction that orgasms can bring us? Or is there something more fundamental going on here?
The Power of Orgasm
Orgasms release oxytocin in the bloodstream, which is a feel-good hormone, and a bonding hormone. Having an orgasm actually makes you feel good – both emotionally and physically. What’s more, endorphins released during orgasm can soothe pain.
So those sound like two very important reasons to have regular orgasms, but the science of sex gets more fascinating still.
Apparently having sex once or twice a week actually boosts your immune system.
Apart from anything else, enjoying an orgasm with a regular partner serves to bring you close together in many different ways.
In particular, women who have orgasms with a regular partner on a regular basis, speak more positively and warmly about their partners than those who do not.
The implication here is that the enjoyment and happiness that is derived from regular orgasms spills out into the relationship beyond the bedroom.
And indeed, people who have sex four times a week apparently look about 10 years younger than they actually are. (Although another possibility is that people who are naturally youthful simply look 10 years younger and enjoy sex more because they have more energy. But regular sex is worth a try in holding back the years, surely!)
Although finding ways to please a woman in bed are important, successful sex is about much more than just physical pleasure.
And of course when you go beyond the physical aspects of sex, it is an emotional process. We’ve looked at the coital alignment technique, and seen how that can help the physical aspects of sexual pleasure. But what about the emotional aspects?
Sex starts with romance, and it ends with romance, in the form of cuddling. After orgasm partners feel the need to connect, not just emotionally, but physically as well.
That’s a biological thing, the product of hormones which flow into the bloodstream at orgasm. But there’s more – because reaching climax not only makes you feel intimate physically, it also boosts your confidence. So if you know the best ways to please a woman in bed – in other words, if you know how to take her to orgasm – you feel better in every way!
That’s true for both men and women: shared orgasms make two people feel more loving, more connected to each other, and more deeply satisfied and fulfilled in their relationship.
Interestingly, people who make love frequently will demonstrate more emotional feelings towards each other in a physical way. They actually feel a need to touch, to kiss, and to hug each other, and they do this freely in public, because they are less inhibited.
And there’s even more! When you have an orgasm, the oxytocin which floods your brain makes you feel love and trust for your partner more strongly.
For most women who enjoy sex. having regular sex will provide pleasure both in bed and out of bed. That’s because sex promotes greater intimacy as well as providing the deep satisfaction, pleasure and fulfillment of orgasms. And for a woman, there’s also the emotional satisfaction and pleasure of bonding with her man outside the bedroom.
And finally, here’s compelling proof of the power of sex: the more you make love, the more you want to make love.
Yes! The more you make love, the more you want to make love!
Making love increases your libido. This makes you feel more connected and bonded with your partner. It also makes sex feel better each time you have it. We recommend this information on sex because it explains how to make your woman by improving your sexual technique.
Getting To Know You
To say that lovemaking is a way of getting to know your partner might sound like a cliche, but it’s absolutely true! When you are intimate with somebody, you let them see a side of you that is not normally visible to anybody else.
Not only that, but making love with your partner helps you learn what you can do to please a woman in bed, and in particular in the process of getting to know them better than anybody else does, you have the satisfaction of knowing how to satisfy her.
And let’s not forget a simple fact: you don’t need a reason to make love! You can enjoy doing it simply because it’s fun and because it makes you happy and because it’s rewarding to give pleasure to your woman. Remember the coital alignment technique is a great way to ensure orgasm during intercourse!
Do You Know The Secret Of Pleasing Your Partner?
An interesting piece of research conducted by SA Miller and ES Byers and reported in the Journal of Sexual Relationships, 2004, demonstrated that the expectations of lovemaking between men and women can be quite different.
They asked 152 heterosexual couples about their perception of the ideal duration for foreplay and intercourse, and compared that with the actual duration of intercourse and foreplay.
They also asked these couples to say what they believed about their partners’ preferred and ideal length of foreplay and intercourse.
You may not be surprised to learn that men wanted significantly longer intercourse than women.
Also, it was clear that women significantly underestimate the amount of time men want for both foreplay and intercourse.
Longer lovemaking is better lovemaking, right? YES, YOU BETCHA!!
Regrettably, both men and women had some very inaccurate perceptions about men’s ideal sexual behavior.
For example, men were generally perceived as wanting significantly less foreplay and intercourse than they actually wanted.
So maybe people really think their partners share their sexual beliefs and expectations, so they don’t give much thought to what their partners actually want.
This is unfortunate. It implies people are not communicating about their sexual desires or about what would really give them the most pleasure in bed. Women in particular may be reticent about saying what would please them in bed.
If you don’t communicate your wishes and desires to each other you can’t really know how to please a woman in bed. You’re just guessing!
There are several ways to remedy this. One is to discuss what will please you in bed. Ask your partner about their sexual desires, preferences, and expectations. And, above all, get the right information about sexual pleasure. This is useful for men looking for clues to better technique, for example.
Making Time For Her Will Please Her In Every Way
You’ve got to accept that compromises have to be made in a relationship.
Let me emphasize this isn’t about giving your principles away or changing everything you do just for the benefit of your woman. Far from it. It’s about seeking a path of compromise that is acceptable to both you and her.
For example, when she seems needy, maybe she’s frightened of losing you. Perhaps she sees your lack of attention to her as a sign that you’re losing interest in her….. and that means you might be moving on. For a woman, that fear is roughly equal to your fear of losing your job: it can make her feel like life is over.
When you don’t make your woman your top priority, you’re saying other things are more important than she is. And she hates that!
What solves this problem is a constant supply of reminders from you that you’re not taking her for granted, and that you do care about her. She needs to know that you’re happy to spend time finding ways to please a woman in bed. For one thing, you might take the time and trouble to learn the coital alignment technique – this is described on this website, of course.
You see, nothing pleases a woman more than:
knowing that you’re proud to have her as your partner in your relationship.
seeing that you make time for her on a regular, consistent basis.
the fact that you find all sorts of ways to connect with her.
And really, when you think about it, if you’re not prepared to spend quality time with her, why are you in a relationship with her at all?
Here’s an action plan: thank her every day for something she’s done for you, but do it sincerely, from your heart.
Take the time every day to spend at least a few minutes together sharing some activity, whether it’s a walk, cleaning the kitchen, cooking the dinner, or playing a game. And cuddle and hug her a lot. That will certainly please your woman. This is the kind of thing which keeps a relationship going long term.
Keep The Fires Of Passion Burning! (Mostly For Men!)
Men and women in relationship often become complacent towards each other. For example, all too often, women stop taking as much trouble about their appearance and stop wanting sex. Men may stop acting romantically.
Neither of these things needs to happen. It’s a matter of pride and self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself, and you feel good about your relationship, then there’s a natural incentive to want to look good for your partner. You feel drawn to act in ways you know will please each other.
All you have to do is treat your partner in the way you treated her when you first met him or her. Remember how much time you spent seducing her, wooing her, charming her, and buying her flowers?
Is there really any reason that you can’t do that now?
One of the best ways to show a woman that you love and appreciate her is to organize special dates with her. You don’t have the time? Your job’s too important? I know only too well how important a man’s job can seem to him, because I’ve been in that situation myself.
How is it, you wonder, that she doesn’t understand how utterly important it is to you as a man to keep the money coming in, how committed you are to providing for her and you in this way?
Obviously from your point of view there’s an incompatibility between working all the hours of the day and having a good relationship. You can’t do it. Surely as a man (a man with the ability to fix things!), you can find a compromise way of working fewer hours and spending more time with your partner so that you get the best of both worlds?
After a while you may find that the rewards in your relationship are so great that you don’t miss the work at all, even if you previously justified it on the grounds that you’re providing essential resources for you both.
I’m not trying to diminish the importance of work for men, because I know it’s written very deep in our genes. The problem is that if it takes over, then you lose something else that’s good for your soul – your relationship.
However, women are able to compromise! Maybe if you come up with a plan and discuss it with our woman, you’ll be able to establish some ground rules and boundaries that allow you both to get more or less what you want. Above all, don’t take her for granted, and show her respect and thoughtfulness. That’s the way to really please a woman!
