How To Reach Orgasm During Sex Or Masturbation

If you’re enjoying masturbation, you’ve probably been experiencing high levels of arousal. It’s possible, though, that you have not yet had an orgasm. The way to deal with this is to practice more!

Before we talk about that, however, it’s important to understand what else might be blocking your orgasms.

One big thing which can certainly interfere with your training program (a training program to enjoy orgasms) is the sense that you shouldn’t be doing this, that there are more important things to worry about than having an orgasm: your home, family, work, and so on. It’s our view that this kind of irritable resistance is almost always a block which is caused by fear or self-doubt.

To overcome it, think of the objective you’re working towards – being able to freely enjoy orgasm as you choose, to experience sexual arousal and to enjoy all the pleasure that your body can offer you, and to accept the sexual gifts that your partner is giving you – including orgasm.

One of the things that interferes most with women’s attempts to relax and have an orgasm is the inner critic, which sounds like a parental or authority voice, making unhelpful observations about how well or badly you’re doing (most likely badly, in the view of the critic), your chances of succeeding (probably low), perhaps your selfishness in taking time for yourself (extremely high, in all probability), and a million other critical points which all resound around your mind when you try and take time to do this work.

Of course all of us have a certain amount of negative criticism to put up with when we are children; for some of us, though, these critical voices – usually those of our parents who knew no better – can become so firmly implanted that they interfere with what we are doing, and how well we are doing. The whole mass of these introjected (that is, absorbed into your consciousness) voices is known as your inner critic. A great way of dealing with the inner critic is try explore shadow work, otherwise known as parts work. Here’s an excellent book which is a great introduction to the idea of shadow work.

There are other ways that your inner critic can stop your personal development, too: it can tell you that you should be looking after others rather than yourself; that your role as a woman is to provide for others rather than yourself; that your family and friends are more important than you are. (If you’re interested in learning more about the concept of parts work, try this book on the archetypes and shadow work.)

But as you may well be aware, none of this is true. It’s only a matter of perception and balance. The views of those people who gave you the critical voice belong to them, not to you. Your work is in self-development, and in becoming the fully sexual woman you can be, the fully sexual woman you truly are. And there is nothing selfish about that!

In essence the challenge for you in becoming fully orgasmic, able to enjoy your body during sex or masturbation, is that you need to feel worthy of the time you take to explore your sexual responses and orgasmic potential. Everyone has rights and boundaries which other people need to respect.

Your partner may be able to give you some support here; why not ask him? Giving and receiving are part of an adult relationship.

Remind him that an orgasmic woman is a woman who brings more to life in general, and sex in particular! This is all about assertiveness and self-respect, qualities which will undoubtedly grow as you become more fully orgasmic and more fully aware of how you can reach your potential as a fully sexual woman. And, if you successfully masturbate to orgasm, it will only enhance your sexual life with your partner. You will be giving him pleasure, and you will be given pleasure in return. Nothing turns a man on more than an orgasmic woman! (You may not know that the vast majority of lovers in a relationship masturbate to orgasm regularly, and very often without their partner’s knowledge.)

Learning how to have an orgasm is a process which can continue regardless of how you feel about your partner and how you feel about your relationship. It’s essentially about you, and at the end of the day, your self-development.

Of course this may mean than you have to put aside feelings that develop about the relationship, and deal with them in another way, at another time.

Don’t allow the fact that your relationship might have a few emotional issues to deal with stop you exploring your potential for having orgasms, ejaculating easily, and dealing with male sexual dysfunctions like delayed ejaculation.

The course of true love never did run smooth

If you sense some fear around this process of personal development, here are some points which may help:

• you won’t become addicted to orgasm or masturbation

• you won’t come to prefer masturbation to sex

• you won’t stop wanting sex

• you will enjoy sex more

• you will have a warmer relationship with yourself and with your partner

• you won’t lose control and do anything embarrassing or shaming when you have an orgasm

Of course, one of the things that women who are developing their potential to reach orgasm often find is that they are very controlled about how they feel things – they hold back on their emotions and expressing their true selves.

If you think you are over-controlled, think back to your childhood and see if you can work out how this may have developed. Were feelings used as a weapon? Was it unsafe for you to express what you thought and felt?

Were you ridiculed for what you said and felt? Did you come to a decision that the best way to be safe was to be in control of yourself and / or the world around you?

If so, all of these emotions, thoughts and feelings will affect how easily you reach orgasm and how much you relax into your sensual exploration sessions. Again, shadow work can be very helpful in unpacking all of these feelings.

Men – you have a role in ensuring women are given good orgasms

Excellent practical advice for women who wish to ejaculate during sex can be found at this website, giving comprehensive information on useful strategies to determine the timing of your ejaculation.

This is a great way to impress your lover during intercourse and be able to last longer to ensure she gets maximum chance of reaching orgasm.

What can you do to overcome these fears? Well, trust the process. You’re only giving yourself the chance to have an orgasm – a perfectly natural state of being – and you’re only going to develop your sexual and orgasmic potential at a pace that is safe for you – that’s the way self-development works.

Your mind and body do what is right for you. Having said that, sometimes it’s helpful to speed up the process by making a conscious decision: here, that might be that you were going to spend the time exploring your sexuality and enjoying the discoveries you make about yourself and your body along the way.

You might also have a fear of what happens when you reach orgasm – especially if you have never seen an other woman having an orgasm.

The answer is that it varies dramatically: some women make a lot of noise and move a lot, while others just sigh gently and remain mostly still.

Whether or not you watch sex sites, which often have clips of women masturbating to orgasm, one thing you need to know is that a lot of orgasm involve involuntary movements of the body, and possibly involuntary cries of joy, or just noises of pleasure.

These reactions to orgasm are quite natural, some of them are conscious, some are unconscious, and whatever happens does not mean that the woman making these movements or noises is losing control.

Men often lose control at the moment of orgasm, particularly when they give voice – and when you experience orgasm, you may want to do this too.

To help you get to grips with this, why don’t you try modeling an orgasm, just for fun? This will loosen yup your body, activate some nerve pathways in your brain, and make you more relaxed about actually having an orgasm. All you need to do is adapt one of your self-pleasuring sessions!

When you’re aroused, start moving your body in whatever way you like. You may have seen an orgasm on the website I mentioned above: in any case, you know, or your body knows, what to do when it reaches orgasm – it’s a genetic blueprint deep inside all of us (after all, we are naturally sexy creatures!).

So thrust your hips, moan, shout, rub your hands on your body, grind your thighs together, do whatever feels right, fun or natural. When a man gives a woman an orgasm, he expects her to make a noise!

You may want to do this in private so that you don’t feel embarrassed by anybody watching or hearing you – though hopefully when you are fully orgasmic, that will happen at least some of the time during sex!

It’s worth mentioning at this point that whether or not you find this arousing, almost every man ever born will get turned on by watching you put on this performance, so beings ashamed or embarrassed by your male partner should be the last thing on your mind!

There are few things more arousing to a man than a woman enjoying her orgasm (especially if he helped her get to it, men being so achievement-oriented)!

Repeat this exercise a few times a week, in whatever way seems right to you, until you are relaxed and comfortable with it.

So did you find anything that you felt inhibited about? Did you feel it rude or vulgar to thrust your hips? If so, try and keep in mind the fact that these movements are the natural rhythm of one of the most enjoyable and fundamental aspects of our human sexuality – making love.

For humans, sex is elevated beyond a reproductive function into an experience which can be profoundly intimate and rewarding – spiritual even.

The pleasure that comes from moving during sex and orgasm is mutual – for both you and your partner, these movements are a fundamental part of the greatest human pleasure.

You don’t have to enjoy them right now, though, for the whole experience of sex will fit together much better when you have become fully orgasmic and at ease with your body. For the moment, simply try them out and see how well they fit for you.

It’s also important that you remember this is a process under your control. Enjoying orgasms, important though that undoubtedly is, forms only one part of what you are doing for yourself here.

If you grew up in a house where sex was taboo, for example, your parents will undoubtedly have instilled you with certain attitudes to the expression of your sexuality.

You now have the power to make a conscious choice about whether you continue to live out your parents’ scripts around sex, or take some new decisions and live your own sexual life.